


godspeed

by ujisae



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of character death (minor), Minor Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Minor Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang, Minor Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Underage Drinking, mentions of past lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27436789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ujisae/pseuds/ujisae
Summary: “I only believe in gods because they brought you to me. Your existence alone convinces me that there’s some kind of celestial being that made this all happen.”“As the rightful king, you should put more importance in the religion that most—if not all—of your people believe in. You do know that, right?”“I will, my love. The gods brought you to me, and for that, I am thankful. And for that good deed, I will worship as you do.”In which, Yunho's old pride and greed had led him to live through different lifetimes with the clear memory of the soulmate he has lost. This lifetime is one of them.
Relationships: Choi San/Jeong Yunho
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	godspeed

**Author's Note:**

> first of all, i rlly hope i get to finish this HAHAH please do comment abt what u think! this is kinda a test run to see if anyone likes it so please do comment and kudos! hmu at twt if u want @doyouji hehe

Yunho sighed as he sat on the floor of their living room, sipping from his 3rd beer can for the night. Hongjoong remained still on their couch, red face buried into the cushions as he attempted to rest.

It was another night, however more special than the rest considering it was the eve of their rare “No Training” days. This meant illegally-bought alcohol from the convenience store next door from an apathetic clerk, dorm lights off, and the television playing whatever show’s scheduled to play at midnight. This also meant either loudly playing drinking games or deep talks about life and universe whilst intoxicated. Despite being the only two trainees at that time, Yunho and Hongjoong didn’t have any difficulties in filling the dorm’s silence and even enjoyed their own privacy. Their wavelengths matched both in serious matters and for leisure. 

Yunho continued to stare blankly at the television screen, holding the beer can tight as a period drama played. He leaned back towards the couch, lost in his thoughts. “Hyung,” he started. “What’s your thoughts about soulmates?”

“Soulmates?” Hongjoong drawled, drunk. He adjusted his head to face the back of Yunho’s who still faced the TV, “I like to believe all of us have soulmates. It kinda makes the world seem nicer in a way,” he mused. “I’d like to meet mine.”

Yunho hummed, “Then what about past lives? Do you believe in reincarnation?” 

“Reincarnation?” Hongjoong repeated. “I guess. If I believe soulmates exist, I must believe that reincarnation also exists, right? You and your soulmate are destined to find each other through lifetimes, without fail,” he dreamily sighed before wailing in despair. “I want to meet my soulmate! Why is life so fucking infuriating!” 

Deaf to his friend’s pleas, Yunho continued to get lost in his thoughts. His mind was plagued with memories from a time far older than Hongjoong—far older than the founder of their entertainment company, even. A time when life actually had purpose and the universe gave Yunho the best blessing he could ever have, all in a body smaller than his but a body that is definitely not weak. A body that had the universe’s stars for eyes, and a voice fit for angels. He was again lost in a memory filled with love and promises, only ruined by the fates and his own rage. 

“What if I told you I’ve met my soulmate?” Yunho murmured. He sighed before facing Hongjoong’s droopy eyes, continuing in a louder voice, “What if I told you I’ve spent lifetimes with my soulmate and I remember all of it? What if I told you I made a sin so grave that the fates took him away from me? And that, now, I’m cursed to remember all the lives we’ve lived together and the lives I had lived, and will live, without him?”

Hongjoong stared at Yunho’s wide eyes in shock, “I’d say you’re drunk, but I’d still be interested to listen to you tell me about it.”

The period drama continued to play, and Hongjoong maneuvered himself to sit beside Yunho on the floor. Yunho’s eyes are still transfixed on the false king in the television, remembering his time as a real king. “I was a king,” he told Hongjoong. “I’m probably in some history books, but I’m not mentioned in any of the history lessons we had to take for school.”

The scene shifted to show the king’s love interest, a woman so pale and radiant in pink, “My soulmate was my spouse, and we ruled the kingdom together.”

Hongjoong pointed at the actress, “Like her?” 

Yunho smiled, “Yes, but not quite. My spouse was definitely radiant, if not more,” he boasted. “However, he’s a he.” Hongjoong’s lips formed an ‘o’ in realization.

“He shone like a million suns, and his every step radiated elegance and grace. His laugh carried all the happiness in the world, and his touch was something to crave for,” Yunho reminisced. “I knew from the start that I was destined for him, and he was destined for me. The people around us knew as well, including our parents. No force in the world could’ve had the power to separate us,” Yunho stopped. “At least, that’s what I thought.”

Hongjoong laid his head on Yunho’s shoulder as to tell the latter he was still listening. “The gods,” Yunho hesitantly mentioned, “were cruel. It was wrong for me to underestimate the power of the gods and the fates that my beloved devotedly worshipped.”

“What happened to him?” Hongjoong asked.

Yunho closed his eyes in pain, and his head hung low as he said, “The gods took him away from me. He died from a disease incurable at that period in time, and I was too enraged and hurt that I cursed the gods relentlessly.” Yunho opened his eyes to stare at the floor in front of him blankly, “So, the gods chose to take him away from me permanently.” 

The period drama ended and the ending theme started to play, as the living room met silence as Hongjoong processed everything he had heard with his eyes closed, and as Yunho got lost in his most painful memory. “They told me he really was my soulmate, and our thread was as gold as the sun since it was so protected. I ruined that,” he chuckled, without mirth. “I ruined the one good thing I’d probably ever have. They cut the thread right in front of me and I felt an indescribable pain.”

The feeling of your heart and soul being forcefully ripped into half never left Yunho’s memory. The pain still lingered, even after centuries and after dozens of different bodies Yunho took. “They told me I had to live the next lifetimes with the knowledge I lost my soulmate due to my own wrongdoing, and I’d remember every life as if it was yesterday. I’m bound to him, yet he’s not bound to me anymore.”

“I lived the next without meeting him, and the life after that as well. The first time I’ve met him since the incident? Well, I shot a bullet straight to his heart, without even knowing it was him. I lived lifetimes without him right after that, and the next time I did, well, he’s already found another. His new soulmate, born through a new thread they created right after cutting mine,” Yunho smiled ruefully. “I remember his new soulmate’s face vividly. Lucky bastard.”

He finished his beer in one go, eyes shut tight in an attempt to push the memories away. As he opened his eyes once more, he found Hongjoong peacefully asleep on his shoulder. He woefully smiled, “You’d meet your soulmate too, hyung.” He whispered, “The both of you never fail to be happy, even back then in the kingdom. Just wait a bit for him, he won’t disappoint you.”

If Hongjoong woke up the next morning without any recollection of Yunho’s stories, it was perfectly fine. Yunho wanted to keep his past lives to himself anyway; he was just carried away by the alcohol and the drama that played. He has a whole new life to take care of in this lifetime, and so he continued to be the hyperactive trainee that the people around him knew, forcefully burying memories of starry eyes and feline smiles into the depths of his brain (and heart). This Yunho wanted to be an idol. This Yunho wanted to debut. This Yunho wanted to achieve his dreams and make his parents proud. 

If another trainee joined the duo a few months later, then nights spent in the dorms would become a tad bit noisier. Mingi was a friend he already knew from the dance academy he attended before joining KQ, and a familiar face made training bearable and worthwhile. Their duo became a trio, with Yunho and Mingi acting as guards to their precious little hyung. 

However, if Yunho walked into the practice room to see a new, yet unmistakably familiar, face, with his guards held high as he was surrounded with strangers in a new place, it then signals that Yunho probably won’t get through this life scotch-free. 

As years passed by, and multitudes of pathetic attempts of seeking his soulmate out again and again after, Yunho discovered the pleasure of going through a lifetime without meeting his beloved at least once. His old self would’ve shred himself to pieces if he heard himself say that life would be easier without meeting his soulmate, but in reality, that’s how it is. He would be spared from the pain of knowing that, despite meeting and having him in his life, he would never get to spend the rest of his life with his beloved. He would be spared from the reminder that his soulmate isn’t his soulmate anymore. 

Yet, this life doesn’t seem to allow him to have his ignorant pleasure. 

With a smile plastered onto his face, he approached him. Yunho tapped his shoulder to say, “Hi, welcome to KQ! I’m Jeong Yunho, and you are?”

Yunho lived through centuries and lifetimes one couldn’t count with his fingers alone. He met his beloved in different bodies, countries, events, and circumstances; sometimes as a penniless man in Europe, or a wealthy man in Southeast Asia. Yet, despite all this, hearing his beloved’s voice and seeing his face for the first time in every lifetime always felt like that precious time he met his beloved in the castle grounds as a young prince, and his beloved as the son of the King’s most trusted aide. The feeling of warm sunlight as you walk through fields of a variety of flowers, or the feeling of seeing a sky filled with stars as you lie down on a hill with someone you hold precious—that’s what it always felt like for Yunho, whenever he met his beloved. 

The unmistakable feeling of peace and completeness as his beloved turned around to look at him in the eyes, replying in such a soft tone, “San. My name’s Choi San, nice to meet you.” He shyly smiled. 

What comes next is as vivid. The painful realization that this ‘peace and completeness’ that he feels would never be reciprocated anymore, as his beloved would instead feel such intense emotions for someone else. The unbearable weight in his chest and the excruciatingly tight grip squeezing his heart always made sure to make themselves known in every lifetime. He brought this upon himself. Yunho must remember that.

It’s just yet another life to live. Another life without his beloved growing old with him. Another life where his beloved would fall in love with his soulmate, and Yunho would have to just try and go through it the best that he could. This Yunho wanted to be an idol. This Yunho wanted to debut. This Yunho wanted to achieve his dreams and make his parents proud. He’d try his best to focus on these facts.

With a smile still on his face, he said, “Well, San, I hope we become good friends.” With his nails digging into his palm, he tried to not get carried away by his beloved’s sweet smile. 

  
  
  
  
  


_ Yunho sighed, “You do know I’m only doing all of this because I love you.” _

_ A little smile appeared on San’s face, betraying his supposed peaceful disposition. With his eyes still closed and his hands clasped in a prayer position, he murmured, “I know, and I appreciate that you still indulge me in this despite our differences in religious beliefs.”  _

_ Silence reigned once more between the two kings until San finally did a deep bow and faced his husband once more, “As the rightful king, you should put more importance in the religion that most—if not all—of your people believe in. You do know that, right?” _

_ Yunho smiled and approached San to hold both of his hands reverently, “You underestimate me, my love. I do thank the gods everyday for letting me have the prime opportunity to love you until my dying days. I thank the gods for allowing one of their angels to live amongst sinful humans, and love someone like me.” He sighs, lost in San’s starry eyes, marvelling in the universes in his irises, “I only believe in gods because they brought you to me. Your existence alone convinces me that there’s some kind of celestial being that made this all happen.” _

_ San smiled, lost in his husband’s loving gaze as well, “I do too. You are my soulmate, after all.” After a while, he pursed his lips as he pushed his husband’s face away from him with a finger, “I am serious about this whole discussion about the gods, okay? You don’t know what the gods are capable of.” _

_ Yunho pulled San’s body into his embrace and kissed the crown of his head, “I will, my love. I am serious too. The gods brought you to me, and for that, I am thankful. And for that good deed, I will worship as you do.”  _

_ “May the gods bless our future and protect our love,” San mused.  _


End file.
